“An adult son takes loans and accumulates debts”

My husband and I decided: this time he gives all his debts himself. We always tell him: “You cannot pay for independent residence – your room is always waiting for you”. Naturally, neither he nor we want to live together.

Dina, thanks for your letter and for confidence in us. To be honest, your question is not very clear. Perhaps I’m mistaken, but in your letter, on the one hand, I see anxiety for my son and doubt whether you have made the right decision. And on the other, the experiences that this is not the first time and you need to do something with it.

Therefore, for starters, I really want to support you. You really begin to experience a lot of different feelings, such as anxiety, resentment, anger, anger, wine … And they all have the right to exist, especially when you understand that your close one, and even more so the child made a mistake.

You write that the son “took a loan again – such as“ fast money ” – and did not pay”. Is it true that this is not the first time he takes something in debt? If so, then how did you help him solve problems before?

It is very important for me to note that even if you have paid debts for your son before, now they were right now, telling him the responsibility of resolving this issue on his own. Your son is already an adult and not just can, but must to realize the consequences of their actions and be responsible for them.

Naturally, this can find protest and resistance on his part. And here it is important not to step back, but to firmly stand on your

As an option, you can offer him your moral support or, for example, draw up a plan for how he will close this loan.

It’s great that

your husband supports your decision. So you have someone to contact when it will be completely difficult. And this can also happen, because pity for your child and the thought “But I will help him now, as if for the last time,” sometimes they will slip.

Another question is what to do with it further. Unfortunately, you cannot affect an adult in any way. This is his choice, and only he can decide how comfortable it is to live with this choice.

I admit that your son already has some dependence. And it is very difficult to fight with her until he himself realizes her. What can you do in this situation? Just help him understand what is happening. Realize that he himself must get out of this. You can do this, as I wrote above, with the help of moral support and limiting finance on your part.

I would also recommend that you all contact a psychologist who works with addictions, since help needs both the most dependent and his loved ones.